JEST FOR KIDS 09-17-09
Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old
RIDDLES
What flower is in between your nose and your chin?
Two lips!
What should you do if your dog is chewing your homework?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
He was always horsing around.
Why did the baker stop baking bread?
Because he wasn't making enough dough.
Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway?
Because she did a ewe-turn!
Why did the little moron go to night school?
So he could learn to read in the dark.
What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A hoarse doctor.
What did the hair say to the comb?
Stop Teasing Me.
SCHOOL WORK
Define "Relief": What trees do in the spring.
Use "Eclipse:" in a sentence: Every month my dad gets the garden
shears and ECLIPSE the hedge.
Mixed Metaphors: "He swept the rug under the carpet."
PUNS & OTHER HUMOR
I continually asked the track coach about joining the team but he just
kept giving me the run-around.
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain.
"Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it." "You will
never find that bee. It must be miles away by now." "No, you don't
understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you
were stung." "Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house." "No,
no, no!" says the doctor getting frustrated, "I mean on which part of
your body did that bee sting you." "On my finger!" screamed the man in
pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts." "Which
one?" the doctor. "How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same
to me!"
Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food?
A high school student, having had his fill with drawing graph after
graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra,
I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I
draw the line!"
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil:
"The moon". Teacher: "Why?" Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night
when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when
we don't need it".
The math teacher bought a plate with four corners so he could have a
square meal.
Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the back of a
well-known trucking company's vehicle: "We Go That Extra Mile." Then I
noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it: "Because We
Missed the Last Exit!"
Math Conversions: 1 millionth mouthwash = 1 microscope
After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man
fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the
morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called. "In whose favor?"
"Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a spoon." " Sit over there, please, and
don't stir!"
JEST FOR KIDS 09-17-09
Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old
RIDDLES
What flower is in between your nose and your chin?
Two lips!
What should you do if your dog is chewing your homework?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
He was always horsing around.
Why did the baker stop baking bread?
Because he wasn't making enough dough.
Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway?
Because she did a ewe-turn!
Why did the little moron go to night school?
So he could learn to read in the dark.
What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A hoarse doctor.
What did the hair say to the comb?
Stop Teasing Me.
SCHOOL WORK
Define "Relief": What trees do in the spring.
Use "Eclipse:" in a sentence: Every month my dad gets the garden
shears and ECLIPSE the hedge.
Mixed Metaphors: "He swept the rug under the carpet."
PUNS & OTHER HUMOR
I continually asked the track coach about joining the team but he just
kept giving me the run-around.
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain.
"Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it." "You will
never find that bee. It must be miles away by now." "No, you don't
understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you
were stung." "Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house." "No,
no, no!" says the doctor getting frustrated, "I mean on which part of
your body did that bee sting you." "On my finger!" screamed the man in
pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts." "Which
one?" the doctor. "How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same
to me!"
Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food?
A high school student, having had his fill with drawing graph after
graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra,
I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I
draw the line!"
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil:
"The moon". Teacher: "Why?" Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night
when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when
we don't need it".
The math teacher bought a plate with four corners so he could have a
square meal.
Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the back of a
well-known trucking company's vehicle: "We Go That Extra Mile." Then I
noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it: "Because We
Missed the Last Exit!"
Math Conversions: 1 millionth mouthwash = 1 microscope
After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man
fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the
morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called. "In whose favor?"
"Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a spoon." " Sit over there, please, and
don't stir!"
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