Saturday, February 7, 2009

[FunOnTheNet] VALENTINE POEMS TO MAKE YOU SMILE









Going Steady


Valentine, O, Valentine,



I'll be your love and you'll be mine.



We'll care for each other, rain or fine,



and in 90 years we'll be 99.




http://www.clipartguide.com/_thumbs/0060-0502-2519-3601.jpg


Ian Serraillier









Plenty of Love


Plenty of love,




Tons of kisses,




Hope some day,




To be your Mrs.


http://www.clipartof.com/images/thumbnail/19535.jpg



Anonymous





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[JoannasJokes] Doctor joke

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. 

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." 

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" 

"Denise," the doctor says. 

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" 

The doctor replies, "DeNephew. "
 
 
 

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mostly humor, but everything most of us enjoy forwarding
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[JoannasJokes] To my darling husband

From Warped_Humor

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.  

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX 
 
 
P.S. Your girlfriend called.






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[JoannasJokes] Bible in a Click

From Jane Miller 
 
This Is A "Keeper" For Sure!!  Just click on whatever Book/Chapter that you want.  This is great.  Be Blessed ! Please pass it on!

New International Version (NIV)


 

Books

Chapters

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Ruth

1 2 3 4

1 Samuel

2 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Nehemiah

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Esther

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Job

Psalm

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Song of Solomon

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

1 2 3 4 5

Ezekiel

Daniel

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Hosea

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Joel

1 2 3

Amos

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Obadiah

1

Jonah

1 2 3 4

Micah

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Nahum

1 2 3

Habakkuk

1 2 3

Zephaniah

1 2 3

Haggai

1 2

Zechariah

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Malachi

1 2 3 4

Matthew

Mark

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

Luke

John

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Acts

Romans

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

1 Corinthians

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

2 Corinthians

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Galatians

1 2 3 4 5 6

Ephesians

1 2 3 4 5 6

Philippians

1 2 3 4

Colossians

1 2 3 4

1 Thessalonians

1 2 3 4 5

2 Thessalonians

1 2 3

1 Timothy

1 2 3 4 5 6

2 Timothy

1 2 3 4

Titus

1 2 3

Philemon

1

Hebrews

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

James

1 2 3 4 5

1 Peter

1 2 3 4 5

2 Peter

1 2 3

1 John

1 2 3 4 5

2 John

1

3 John

1

Jude

1

Revelation


Emergency Telephone Numbers
These are more effective than 911

When -
You are sad, phone John 14
You have sinned, phone Psalm 51
You are facing danger, phone Psalm 91
People have failed you, phone Psalm 27
It feels as though God is far from you, phone Psalm 139
Your faith needs stimulation, phone Hebrews 11
You are alone and scared, phone Psalm 23
You are worried, phone Matthew 8:19-34
You are hurt and critical, phone 1 Corinthians 13
You wonder about Christianity, phone 2 Corinthians 5:15-18
You feel like an outcast, phone Romans 8:31-39
You are seeking peace, phone Matthew 11:25-30
It feels as if the world is bigger than God, phone Psalm 90
You need Christ like insurance, phone Romans 8:1-30
You are leaving home for a trip, phone Psalm 121
You are praying for yourself, phone Psalm 87
You require courage for a task, phone Joshua 1
Inflation's and investments are hogging your thoughts, phone Mark 10:17-31
You are depressive, phone Psalm 27
Your bank account is empty, phone Psalm 37
You lose faith in mankind, phone 1 Corinthians 13
It looks like people are unfriendly, phone John 15
You are losing hope, phone Psalm 126
You feel the world is small compared to you, phone Psalm 19
You want to carry fruit, phone John 15
Paul's secret for happiness, phone Colossians 3:12-17
With big opportunity/ discovery, phone Isaiah 55
To get along with other people, phone Romans 12

ALTERNATE NUMBERS
For dealing with fear, call Psalm 47
For security, call Psalm 121:3
For assurance, call Mark 8:35
For reassurance, call Psalm 145:18

 

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[JoannasJokes] Feng Shui Horoscope

Feng Shui Horoscope (Funny how close and realistic this is...)

Watch your 'Thoughts,' they become words.  

Watch your 'Words,' they become actions.  

Watch your 'Actions,' they become habits.  

Watch your 'Habits,' they become character.  

Watch your 'Character,' for it becomes your Destiny.  


Feng Shui Horoscope


Take just a couple of minutes to take this test & see what happens!

If you are honest this tells the truth -- it's pretty good.



Write your answers on a piece of paper, NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom..


1. Which is your favorite color: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?  

2. Your first initial?  

3. Your month of birth?  

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5 . Name of a person of the same sex as yours.  

6. Your favorite number?  

7. Do you like    California  or    Florida  more?  

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?  

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one)  


When you're done, scroll down. Don't cheat  





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answers:

 

1. If you choose:

Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black - you are conservative and aggressive.

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back

Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from

the ones you love.

Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to

those who are down.


2. If your initial is:

A-K - You have a lot of love and friendships in your life..

L-R - You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love

life is soon to blossom.

S-Z - You like to help others and your future love life looks

very good.


3. If you were born in:

JAN - MAR: The year will go very well for you and you will

discover that you fall in love with someo ne totally unexpected..

APR - JUN: You will have a strong love relationship that will

last forever.

JUL - SEP: You will have a great year and will experience a

major life-changing experience for the good.

OCT - DEC: Your love life will be great, you will find your

soulmate.


4. If you chose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will

be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and

would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.


5. This person should be your best friend.


6. This is how many close friends you will have in your

lifetime.


7. If you chose:

California : You like adventure.

Florida : You are a laid back person.


8. If you chose:

Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are

very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.


9. This wish will come true if you send this to 1 person in

one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next

Birthday

 

 

 

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mostly humor, but everything most of us enjoy forwarding
selected for you, from over a dozen lists and web sites
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Subscribe here for my humor-only list (Laff-A-Day)

 



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[JoannasJokes] Words of Wisdom ... for the ladies

From Webaholics


Q:  What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A:  Shoot him again.

Q:  How can you tell if a man is well hung?
A:  When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q:  Why do little boys whine?
A:  Because they are practicing to be men.

Q:  How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him, or three - one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q:  What do you call a handcuffed man?
A:  Trustworthy.

Q:  What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A:  You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q:  Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A:  Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q:  Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after Mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q:  Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A:  Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q:  What is the difference between men and women?
A:  A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.  A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q:  How does a man keep his youth?
A:  By giving her money and diamonds.

Q:  How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A:  Rename the folder to "Instructions Manuals."

Now, send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day!

And send this to five bright men who have the sense of humor to find this funny!

P.S. - At least finding five bright women is possible!!
 

Not JUST Jokes:  the home of "feel-good" emails
mostly humor, but everything most of us enjoy forwarding
selected for you, from over a dozen lists and web sites
If you enjoy our emails on other lists, Subscribe here to get them ALL
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[FunOnTheNet] Best Pictures